[00:00:00] Sydney: Hey, this is Nikki and Sydney, and this is episode 65. My doctor offered to terminate my pregnancy. This is fearless wellness, a podcast that has made for women who are feeling out of balance. It’s for women who are experiencing hormone issues and difficulty losing weight.
[00:00:18] Nikki: Here we will give you bite-sized tips to help you balance your hormones and nourish your body. So you can have more energy, and happiness. we’re your hosts, Nikki Walton.
[00:00:29] Sydney: And Sydney.
[00:00:30] Nikki: We are functional nutritional therapy practitioners, and we want to be your health coaches.
[00:00:36] Ready? Let’s go.
[00:00:40] Sydney: This episode applies to you. If you’re interested to know how you can take control and affect positive change on your long-term health. We’re gonna be using pregnancy as the main tool to facilitate this discussion.
[00:00:53] But the goal is to help you to understand the importance of being at the head of the decision making process, when it comes to your own personal health for today and discussing Nikki’s, doctor’s offering to terminate her pregnancy, we’re not gonna discuss the details of the laws or advocate for one side or the other, but we do wanna engage you.
[00:01:13] On the importance of taking control of your own health. And we recognize there are many different situations that are different from Nikki’s, but we’re offering her experience to help empower you with reasons why taking control of your own health is the best long term solution. So Nicki, can you start us off with your story?
[00:01:33] Nikki: Yeah, absolutely. I have four children and at the time that this happened, I was pregnant with my fourth. And I think I’ve shared on the podcast before that when I get pregnant, I get very, very, very ill with all of my pregnancies. Um, it has improved since making significant dietary changes, but there were events in my life that took a pretty big toll on my body that even with all of the.
[00:02:06] Dietary changes that I made and lifestyle changes that I made my fourth pregnancy ended up being a lot. Harder than I was expecting. we had just, finished up going through a hurricane and we had moved three times. My husband got a new job. and so we were just a lot of upheaval going on in our life and a lot of stress on my body.
[00:02:30] And I was also older than I had been. Previously as you get older. And so there were a lot of, there were a lot of circumstances in my life that were out of my control, that, that I really feel like contributed to the difficulty of this fourth pregnancy. but I was, very well prepared. I had done it before and my husband and I never take this decision lightly because we know how sick I get and it’s there really isn’t a diagnosis for it.
[00:02:59] Doctors kind of blanketly describe it as hyperemesis, but it’s, it’s just a lot more than that. I throw up, usually, around 16 to 24 times a day, um, throughout the night and I have to be in a cold dark room for four to five months. And, I’m just sick the entire time. So I, I lose weight and, but I’ve been through it before and my babies are always born healthy and I recover beautifully.
[00:03:27] And so we had done this before. however this time was, was definitely, was definitely harder. And so I had made it through previous pregnancies without any type of medication, but this one was really tough. And so my mid wive. Recommended that I go see a doctor to get some, some medication in case I needed it because the ER was also not my favorite place to be, to get rehydrated from throwing up so much.
[00:03:56] And so I just wanted to prevent any type of emergency situation. And so I was headed to this doctor just for the sake of getting medication in case I needed. . And when I went in for the medication, my mother was there to accompany me because I can’t drive and I can’t walk very well.
[00:04:15] And I, I just need a lot of assistance wherever I go. And, I went in to consult with the doctor about receiving this medication and he saw the state that I was in The visit with him was probably 15 minutes, you know, the average amount of time with a doctor.
[00:04:31] And I was also there to get, an ultrasound as well. And so. The baby was healthy, thriving as was to be expected because I’ve never had any complications with my babies. the baby looked great. There was, I mean, they even did, uh, a couple of, a couple of really advanced tests.
[00:04:50] Uh, and there was no reason. I mean, the baby was healthy. I just looked like the picture of death. I mean, I literally, I, I understand it when people get very concerned because I look really bad and, um, . And so he kind of looked at me and, and we started discussing my pregnancies and my children. And then he said, I have another patient who doesn’t look nearly as bad as you, and doesn’t get nearly as sick as you and she decided to terminate the pregnancy.
[00:05:20] And, I wanna make that offer to you as an option because of your situation. Those weren’t his exact words, but that was, the offer. And I was so taken back, like I was like, what.
[00:05:36] I’m not even here. I mean, like, I don’t even know you and you don’t know me. And I was just like, I was shocked, but I wasn’t shocked at the same time. Because I was so kind of out of it because of my pregnancy and it wasn’t really even a consideration. I was just like, no, I’m, I’m fine. I’m totally planning on having this baby.
[00:05:57] And so that’s how it went. And I didn’t really understand the import of the offer until like a couple weeks later on the drive home. I mean, it was just a really surreal experience. I’ve never had anyone make that offer to me before. And, uh, and so it was. It was, it was really, it was really surreal.
[00:06:19] Sydney: I am. That’s a, I I’ve never heard you tell that story before. And it is it, as you’ve been telling it, I’ve considered a few things like the normal, the normalness of that offer, perhaps from the doctor, because he’s looking at you and feeling very concerned for your health. And so he, he felt like he was offering what was best, at the time.
[00:06:44] I’m sure. Like I don’t, I don’t, I don’t think that doctors are, are. You know, evil and thinking like, oh, let’s just, you know, abort, whatever baby or whatever.
[00:06:54] Nikki: I feel the same way he was, he was, he saw, he saw me. and I looked and, you know, from his visual assessment, I looked like I was not doing well.
[00:07:06] Sydney: And I can just imagine that. I can just imagine, uh, the surprise. Because if somebody offered that to me, I’d be really taken back to cuz I would feel like you don’t know me, you don’t like, uh, that’s such a, that’s such a weird thing, such a crazy extreme thing to offer me. You know what I mean? Like you don’t even know me that it is, it is kind of crazy.
[00:07:30] So a couple of things that I’m wondering is like what, what assessments had already been done before this offer was on the table.
[00:07:40] Nikki: Yeah, that was kind of my question too. Like, in the aftermath of it, I was like, how did he come to that conclusion? That that would be the best for me. What type of assessments did he do? And, there wasn’t.
[00:07:52] It was purely visual. I mean, the one assessment that was done, I didn’t, he didn’t take any blood work on me, no questionnaires, no assessment like for my mom or my husband wasn’t there, but like even assessment for my mom, like how is she really doing?
[00:08:05] the only assessment that had been done was the ultrasound for my baby. And my baby was thriving.
[00:08:13] Sydney: So like the results of that one assessment and other than him looking at you was. A good, right? Like, so he sees the baby and the baby’s doing fine. So, so there really wasn’t like a lot to go on for him to make this offer. Huh?
[00:08:27] Nikki: Right. And it really, it was what the, what was so surreal about it was my first thought was you don’t think I can do this? like, I really look so bad in your eyes that you don’t think I can do this. you think I’m not gonna make it? And it was so I’ve never had someone say something. So disempowering, is that even a word?
[00:08:54] Like, so like taking my, taking my power away from me, like you don’t, you, you literally don’t think I can do this. You think for me, it’s best to end what I’ve decided to do, because, because you don’t think I can do this.
[00:09:11] Sydney: did it make you waiver or did it make you, you know what I mean? Like, what was your, not that, not that your decision making, but like I don’t know. What were your feelings at the time? Were you angry? Were you confused? Were you, um, were you offended? Were you shaken, like in terms of your own confidence in yourself to do it.
[00:09:29] Nikki: It’s such a good question. And now that I’m thinking about it, I, I mean, in the moment, like I said, it was so surreal and so caught me off guard that I really didn’t have any feelings. It was just my, my instinctual reaction at the moment. And it was like, no, thanks. Like. No. Thanks. And I’m pretty sure that’s what I said.
[00:09:49] It was just like, no, no, thanks. and I know that it was because of the lifestyle and that all of the prep and decisions that I had been making in my daily life that led up to that moment for that instinct to be like, no, thanks. Um, it didn’t shake me. It wasn’t, it wasn’t, it was a fleeting moment in that moment, but then afterwards, I was like, Oh, maybe it’s worse than I think this.
[00:10:16] Sydney: Mm-hmm
[00:10:18] Nikki: maybe there’s things that he saw that I didn’t see that are, that are worse and that are outta my control. And that, and then, and I also had the same assessment for my midwives who, whom I love, and they, they did a great job, but it was the same type of thing. They actually, weren’t gonna take me on as a client.
[00:10:35] because of how bad I looked
[00:10:36] Sydney: Mm-hmm
[00:10:38] Nikki: and my husband and I it’s like, we were trying to keep reassuring people like, no, this is normal. This is we’ve done this before we know what happens, but I really think that it did contribute to how difficult it was in the aftermath. Because, because there were people that were very close to me that I needed support from that.
[00:10:57] Didn’t think that I could do it this time,
[00:11:00] Sydney: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:11:01] Nikki: even though I’d done it three times already.
[00:11:03] Sydney: I know that’s a lot of, that’s a lot of emotions to sort through and thoughts to sort through. let’s talk for a second about, about, doctors and decisions. So I feel like doctors are, are really good at short term assessments and, and treatments, really acting in the moment. and they have to be they’re, they’re trained to save lives.
[00:11:27] And this is something I was discussing with a client is that they were, they’re kind of in between insurance right now and have some potential health concerns. And I was, I was telling them my personal opinion about why to have insurance, cuz we do, I never use. I never use my insurance. we pay for it and I never use it.
[00:11:52] I don’t even know where my card is. And so I, I was just offering to them my opinion about it is that the reason why I have insurance and don’t use it is because doctors are really good. For the short term I really want a doctor for, offering me their opinion when something big comes up, especially if we get in a car accident to fix us, to, to, you know, put our bones back in place and kind of acute situations to help relieve that pain and suffering, um, to save my life.
[00:12:24] any thoughts on that, Nikki, like, I think that they’re trained to really take care of the short term or they take care of long term patients too, but usually in a manner that is trying to take care of symptoms, like still kind of like what’s happening right now. Let’s take care of that symptom.
[00:12:43] And then if that side effect from that medicine, um, makes you have another symptom, we’ll take care of that with another medicine. So like, it’s kind of like a, a little bit of a circus when it comes to long term.
[00:12:56] Nikki: That’s the system that they’re in. they don’t have time in a 15 minute chunk to do anything but that. And so it’s like, okay, well, what can we do right now? I’m not gonna see you ever again. or may not see you ever again. So what can we do right now?
[00:13:10] What can we do right now to relieve your pain, to relieve your suffering or to save your life? And so, as long as we understand that, that’s what they’re trained to do. And that’s, that’s the, the paradigm that they work in, then they’re in, their proper place, right?
[00:13:25] Sydney: And it helps us to make a decision about how to take their counsel, right.
[00:13:30] Nikki: Yes.
[00:13:31] Sydney: to terminate your pregnancy, that’s a pretty extreme example. but there’s so many others. So like, oh, your child has an ear infection. You could use antibiotics or, you seem to have a hormone imbalance lists, just do some hormone replacement therapy, or we don’t really know what’s wrong with you.
[00:13:48] Good luck. like, I think a lot of people are in that situation. They go from doctor to doctor looking for things that’s that they’re like they come back with their blood work and they’re like, well, it all looks fine. Why don’t you go see a psych. That’s I feel like I’ve heard that so many times where people have been told to go see a psychologist and, and all those situations are like, well, you, you gotta remember where they’re coming from.
[00:14:13] They’re very smart and very helpful for so many things. And so just remember though what their, their purpose and where they’re, where they’re coming from. And, and, and make sure you keep all those cards. That’s one thing we’re gonna, uh, I’d love to discuss a little further is like keeping those, keeping those decision making cards for.
[00:14:31] Nikki: if they’re there to be helpful in the short term, then who makes the long term assessments? If the doctor is unable, I mean, they don’t have a crystal ball, they can’t see into the future. They see you for 15 minutes. And so who is in charge of your long term health?
[00:14:44] And like you said, if you go back over and over and over again, you’re not gonna get long term. You’re gonna get long term short term care.
[00:14:53] Sydney: short term here.
[00:14:54] Nikki: yeah. It’s like, we will take care of you in the short term for a long period of time. that’s not long-term care . And so who is ultimately the decision maker for your long-term health? Who is the ultimate decision maker for setting you up for success for your long term health?
[00:15:14] Who is that person? And what does that look like?
[00:15:18] Sydney: So I think that the answer for me, and this is something that we are wanting you to consider also is that the person is always myself. There’s a few situations where it’s not myself and I’ll, I’ll give you another example that is relevant to this podcast. So, um, let’s see. 41 years ago, 42 years ago, my.
[00:15:41] My mom was pregnant and she went into the, her doctor. So she had one child and a 13 months later she had another child and then nine months later she was pregnant again. So she went into her doctor’s office for the, you know, the beginning, the routine checkup. And, and then, uh, he was probably. Again, like probably not a lot of assessment and she did get sick during her pregnancies too, and offered to terminate her pregnancy.
[00:16:17] And she. Kind of got quiet and let him kind of finish what he was saying, went out the door and didn’t come back. And I didn’t find out about this until I was like in my later thirties. And. It was me. She was pregnant with me and i, I found out about it in a book that she wrote about her life.
[00:16:39] And I was like, mom, you never told me, like, this is like really important information in my life. It’s crazy. And, and when I’m talking about who is a decision maker for your health in that moment, and probably for a lot of moments in my growing up, it was totally my parents. It was a hundred percent. My mom, in that situation, she held my health in her hands, not just with a decision to terminate with pregnancy or not, but she had my health in her hands in what she chose to eat, eat, and what she chose to, drink and what she chose to put into her body.
[00:17:15] And on her body, she was the ultimate decision maker for me. When we’re pregnant, we’re the ultimate decision makers for our kids, which I love, I love having and holding that power because cuz we have so many tools that we can offer you in that situation about how to help affect the health of that life.
[00:17:34] Nikki: that, that goes right into that goes right into what my question was before is who is the ultimate decision maker to set us up for success for our long term health.
[00:17:46] Sydney: it’s always. Myself. I always hold the cards for that decision for myself. I also, I also hold it for short term, but for all of those decision making, I think that it’s always important to remember to counsel with people. It’s important to have health coaches. It’s important to have a doctor, or somebody who’s opinion you value in that arena, in that health, in, in that health arena.
[00:18:12] I think it’s really important to, to counsel with your spouse or partner. It’s important to counsel with people you trust, like maybe a parent So for, short term and long term, it’s always me. I always hold the cards and I value input for any of that from, from people that I trust. so Nikki, what do you think about nutrition?
[00:18:32] How does that really play into helping make the best decision for our health?
[00:18:38] Nikki: That’s the whole reason that we’re doing this podcasted is that we want, we want you guys to understand that. Nutritional therapy is always the best decision for your health, because it’s not just about what you eat. Hopefully you’ve listened to previous podcasts that Sid and I have done, um, a really good one to listen to is about how to build up your health storage.
[00:19:02] And it’s it’s by learning how to make daily empowering choices with your health. Mindfulness listening to your body signals that it is giving to you when it’s dehydrated, when it’s out of balance, when you have digestive issues, it’s learning how to procure nutrient dense foods so that you can.
[00:19:22] Receive the building blocks of protein of fat soluble vitamins from good fats, healthy carbohydrates. It’s balancing your hormones. It’s opening up your detox pathways for your body so that you can get out environmental toxins, electromagnetic frequency, toxins, emotional toxins. This is what nutritional therapy is.
[00:19:43] And if you take the steps to incorporate nutritional therapy into your life, these are empowering, powerful choices that you can make for your short term health that will literally set you up for the best possible chance of success for your long term health. And so when it comes to making life or death situations like Sydney’s mom, Like I was in, you’re not caught off guard because you’ve been doing it.
[00:20:13] You’ve been doing it all along. You have had your, like Sid says you have had, you’ve held the cards for your health at every step of the way. You can include people, you can counsel with them, but ultimately you are the ultimate decision maker for your short-term health and for your long-term.
[00:20:33] Sydney: Thanks for joining us today. One thing that we are hoping that you’ll join us in is at the end of this month, we’re helping people take step one, which is going for, a week of no refined. Sugar. And we wanna help you through that whole process. We want you to join us so that you can really start that journey cause nutrient dense foods.
[00:20:55] Usually starts there. It’s a really good place to start because it’s like the ultimate refined food is corn syrups and these and these white sugars. And so we want you to join us. We want you to join us. if you sign up for this challenge, we will help take you through the whole process and help give you support along the way of doing your very first week of no sugar.
[00:21:15] Or maybe it’s, maybe you’ve done it before and just wanna do it again to kickstart the next phase of your life. Thanks for joining us today. And we’ll see you next week.
[00:21:27] Nikki: If you want to permanently change your lifestyle to nourish your body a really great place to start is with our sugar.
[00:21:33] Sydney: It’s a free digital package that you can use to help you remember the five things that you need to be doing every day.
[00:21:41] Get the sugar bundle for free by going to coaching with Nikki and sydney.com backslash sugar. And we’d love it. If you would rate and review us on apple podcasts, it will help us to reach more people.
[00:21:55] Nikki: The information on this podcast has not been evaluated by the FDA and is not intended to diagnose, treat. Or cure any disease. It is not intended to be a substitute for the advice, treatment and or diagnosis of a qualified, licensed professional.